More and more men, especially in the so-called developed world are finding that they have "lost" their libido. Is this coincidence or are there reasons behind this? Here, you will read about some reasons behind the loss of libido, how to address them, followed by a comprehensive guide to libido-boosting foods (next article).
Some of the possible reasons behind loss of male libido
Pornography has been available in some shape or form for centuries. However, the recent advent of the internet has meant a totally new era with its own problems. Male access to pornography via the internet has meant that more and more men prefer to spend time with their "computers" rather than their partners. For many men, the fantasy-figures they have ready access to are replacing real-life encounters with their partners. Solution: Become aware of this as a problem and take steps to address it. Lock your computer room and give the key to your wife! Leave your laptop at work. Get rid of your home internet connection. "Detach" yourself from your computer.
The media is constantly bombarding you with images and descriptions of the ideal body, even the ideal way sex should be performed. Some men begin to think less of their partners when compared to some popular females in the media, whether it is in looks or body. Reading or watching acrobatic sex scenes or hearing about others performing all day sex sessions can put pressure on performance. A young college kid is almost certainly going to perform differently from a working male with a wife and several young kids. Solution: Don't get influenced. The women portrayed in the media are rare or at least not as "perfect" as your fantasy allows. They can still have imperfections, body hair, bad breath, fat, mood swings or whatever that turns you off! If you are with your partner voluntarily, then there must be things you like/love about them. Appreciate those things and remember that media images are not real life. Also remember that chances are your next door neighbour/colleague/buddy is not having all day sex sessions and that you are somehow not living up to expectations. Live your life according to what makes "you" happy not what you think you should be doing.
Issues in your head
This encompasses many things. It can be trauma from childhood, recent problems/stress at work/home or just thoughts and ideas that have somehow got into your head. Some men start developing resentment towards their partners which gets worse and becomes an unbreakable circle. Others have unresolved issues from past sexual (or lack of) experiences. Solution: Seek help! Really. There is no shame in it. If you find that you cannot get a certain though out of your head then you need to seek help and resolve it. Help can be in the form of books, hypnosis sessions (or CDs/downloads), counselling or seeing a specialist. Talking with your partner is also very important. If they love you, then they will understand. If they don't understand and possible they don't care for you as much as you think, then maybe that is the problem. You need to talk about it. Don't hold it in.
Alcohol, cigarettes, drugs
These are things which are extremely detrimental to your libido. Drugs such as heroin, cannabis and cigarettes are serious libido killers. Alcohol is an estrogen promoter and a powerful male hormone killer. Solution: Loss of libido can be a serious problem for many. You need to redress your use of the above to start seeing positive results. Reduce your intake of the above as much as you can.
Lack of exercise
Athletes and sportsmen generally have higher libidos. Running, rowing, sports and athletics increase your blood circulation, reduce stress and make you feel good. Solution: If you find that you don't have time to exercise, then find it! You need to devote at least 3-4 hours a week to some form aerobic exercise. This REALLY helps libido so please do it.
Lifestyle and its effects
Lifestyle encompasses many things. You need to sit back and think what exactly can be affecting your libido. Too little sleep, too much work, kids, money problems, not relaxing and not taking time out for yourself can be a big problem. Solution: Make sure you get at least 8 hours sleep every night. If you can't, make some time for "catch up" sleep at the end of the week. Talk to your partner to help you with chores and kids. Time management is a skill which can be learnt.
Issues with women
Many men are developing real "issues" with women. This is partly due to the change in women's roles in society and at work. Women have better jobs and better pay and many women are on the same level as men or higher. Some men have a real problem with this and they start getting an inferiority complex. This is not the fault of women. It is your problem as a male and you need to deal with it. You are no less of a man if you come across a confident woman. You are no less of a man if your boss is a woman. You are no less of a man if your wife/partner demands more in the bedroom. Solution: Find ways of dealing with your frustrations. Do something different and notice the effects. Change your defence mechanism (which probably arises from insecurity) to that of a more accommodating man. You will see great results. If you usually make sarcastic remarks to women, stop it. Make complimentary remarks and notice the difference. Ultimately you will feel better about yourself and this is critical for a boost in your libido.
Medications that kill libido
As well as recreational drugs discussed above, some medications can also have a negative effect on libido. Typically these are anti-depressants or blood pressure drugs. Solution: Speak to your doctor. See what s/he can do for you. It may be that you may need some other medication to counteract the negative effects of other drugs.
Certain medical conditions can affect your libido. Diabetes, obesity and thyroid problems are typical. Solution: See your doctor. Many of these conditions can be helped. Don't suffer in silence. Something "can" be done. Have faith.
Break the pattern and enjoy
Remember libido is something that needs nurturing. The old adage of "use it or lose it" applies here. Learn to enjoy sex again. Touch, talk, caress and enjoy. Most importantly RELAX. Learn to relax and enjoy. Anxiety, tension and stress are real libido killers. Sexual function is a natural response controlled by your sub-conscious. Don't "worry" about it. The more you worry about it, the more it will become a problem. In times of stress and anxiety, the body shuts down its vital processes, including those of a sexual nature! So you see, you need to relax to enjoy sex. Solution: Learn meditation, yoga, relaxation or anything that can help relieve anxiety.
Avoiding certain foods
Foods such as sugars, caffeine and fatty foods can kill libido. Solution: You need to avoid saturated fats, refined sugars and excessive usage of caffeine. Tap water in many countries also contains estrogen. Avoid it. Drink bottled mineral water if you are not sure.